so you say you want honesty?

yes this is about you.

remember when i promised you that i would always be your friend forever?

remember when i kept keeping that promise even after you pushed me away again and again?

remember when you told me i meant nothing to you?

remember when you told me how much you loved someone else and expected me to be okay with it but mentioning i like dani flipped you off?

remember when i said "we are not friends anymore, sorry."?

it feels good to know you dont give a shit

cause you never really cared if you can let years of care go just like that.

or so i thought.

just like that i chased it away.

i refuse to hide behind the guilt of a broken promise, but a liberation of the fact i am stronger then you. 

you are the past. 

you are a shitty metaphor, thats what you've been reduced to. 

you are nothing more than a fuzzy memory getting fuzzier.

no, i dont remember our first kiss

no, i dont remember how you felt the first time we fucked

and no, i dont remember when you first told me you loved me.

 

i dont care to. 

strange how your name doesnt do it for me anymore. 

how you no longer come packaged with the butterflies that i now feel for someone else.

"alex, you're being a hypocrite. how can you just forget?"

i didnt, im forgetting 

"then how did the butterflies just leave?"

cause she never honestly earned them. 

you didnt deserve the kisses. 

you didnt deserve the praise. 

you didnt deserve long stares

you didnt deserve the late nights i drove to be your here

you didnt deserve the 3 a.m conversations

you didnt deserve the snuggles.

you didnt deserve me visiting you everyday, the little notes or any of the sacrifices. 
you didnt deserve to feel the way i made you feel. 

cause you never earned it.

cause you never appreciated it for what it was.

yes, this is to you. and yes, you are a disappointment.